And Then the Doorbell Rang

Have I said before how awesome my husband is? Because, he is. Very awesome.

Smack dab in the middle of E's afternoon nap, my ridiculously loud buzzer went off from the lobby downstairs. Eff'ing this and eff'ing that, I buzzed the door open and went out into my hallway, ready to give whomever it was a giant piece of my mind.

**It's been a while, but any time someone needed to get into the building, they would randomly buzz someone's apartment, hoping they were home and would let them in. Since I wasn't expecting any packages, it was fairly safe to assume the hoodlums were at it again. And after the last couple times, I swore the next person was going to get handed a screaming baby and really experience the reason they shouldn't do that.**

However . . . up the stairs came the FTD delivery guy, carrying this awesome vase of flowers. And I melted. A little puddle of mushy, weepy me out in the hallway.

And then I heard someone crying. Loudly.

So much for naptime.

The E word

And no, I don't mean "E" as in my beautiful, charming, precocious little daughter. I mean "E" as in nasty, low-down, stinking extension.

Yes. That E word.

Today marks the end of my longest year. I dropped M off on base and went home to our empty house 365 days ago. 365 days of ups and downs, strong days and meltdowns, disappointment and excitement. But, you see, the longest year is not over for us yet. Back that train up, my dear. Hold your horses and put away the party gear.

Because of that E word.

I'll admit it. Denial is my permanent state of residence. From the time we found out he was going, I was convinced he would be back in the states and in training for another 'Army thing' by September. Absolutely convinced. But then, September came and went. And still, I was in denial. Absolutely convinced he would be home by January. Clearly, he's not.

Stupid E word.

I suppose it's my number one coping strategy, this denial thing. As if, when I don't acknowledge the enormous number of days we are counting, there really won't be so many. We won't have so many to go, and there won't be so many behind us, full of missed memories. There are nights when I'm rocking E to sleep and I look down at her, all peaceful, and wonder how she got so big. How we got this far already, and how I crossed those days off the calendar without even realizing how time was marching on. One day, it will seem like I just dropped him off yesterday. And another, it will seem like it's been years and we still have years to go.

Extension.

There. I said it. Today, I'm not denying it. I'm staring straight into the fact that our family will have been apart for a year and a quarter. Fifteen months. And we are going to have fifteen months of two separate lives to put back together again. Routines, habits, personalities, bedtimes, personal space, independence, discipline, and a little bit of OCD. All tossed back together again with two headstrong adults and a toddler.

And it scares me.

Now, don't go taking that to mean I'm not ecstatic about crossing the next few months off the calendar. Nope, don't do that. God alone knows how much I miss my husband and how much I need him by my side. Even M can't fathom that, and I don't think he ever will. I just want to skip over that bumpy patch in the future and go right on to the blissful, picture perfect, happy family.

(And, if we're doing any skipping ahead . . . let's just skip to the part with a quiet beach, some lounge chairs, a couple of margaritas, and yeah, a babysitter.)

100 Things for a 100th Post

In honor of my 100th post on this thing, I figured I would do a 100 things kind of post. I thought about 100 things I've learned about being a mom, or 100 reasons why the Army sucks, or 100 reasons my family is insane. Instead, I chose to stick to the roots of this blog, and my longest year. So . . . 100 things I miss about my husband.

I miss . . .

1. The sound of ramen noodles being pounded on the countertop.

2. Leftover crunchies all over the floor from those noodles.

3. 35 drinking glasses, most half full of water, scattered throughout the house.

4. 65 folded-up, un-used paper towels also scattered throughout the house.

5. CNN always being the homepage.

6. Someone to share the bottle of wine with.

7. Toothpaste chunks in the sink.

8. My bed-warmer.

9. Random geography lessons.

10. The trash getting taken out by someone other than me.

11. Socks. Everywhere.

12. Fishing soggy candy bar wrappers out of the washing machine.

13. Muddy boots.

14. Wet towels left on the bed all day.

15. Someone to pump my gas.

16. Elbows to the head in the middle of the night.

17. The alarm clock going off at 4:50am. And 5:05am. And 5:20am. And 5:25am.

18. Mock combatives.

19. Gossip.

20. Someone to watch South Park, SVU and the Daily Show with.

21. My ice cream enabler.

22. Giving haircuts.

23. Hand holding.

24. Being nagged to fold my clothes.

25. Pillow snatching.

26. Midnight walks in the snow.

27. Someone to open the salsa jar.

28. Wearing sexy underwear for a reason.

29. Deep conversations that come out of nowhere.

30. Flowers for no reason.

31. Someone to warm up the car.

32. Grocery shopping.

33. Motorcycle rides.

34. Being dragged to the movies.

35. Having a spider killer.

36. And a middle of the night noise investigator.

37. Sharing a shower.

38. Fighting over how hot the water should be.

39. A cozy shoulder to snuggle on.

40. Someone to wash the car.

41. Lunch breaks.

42. Weekend get-aways.

43. Trying new restaurants.

44. Stealing the last few bites of a snack.

45. Back rubs.

46.Someone to fix all technological problems by simply looking at the offending electronic item.

47. Fighting over the remote.

48. Bargaining for yard work time.

49. Hearing grumbles over hanging Christmas lights.

50. Being lied to about what time we're really supposed to leave - so that I'm on time.

51. Getting the giggles in church.

52. Hearing someone sing, causing the giggles in church.

53. Fighting over the thermostat.

54. Snoring.

55. Sharing the computer chair to look up something fun together.

56. Going to bed at a normal hour.

57. The anticipation of him walking in the door after work.

58. Stinky uniforms.

59. Good morning kisses.

60. Having someone to cook for.

61. Brushing my teeth with an audience.

62. Locking the bathroom door so there won't be any practical jokes.

63. Having to stay on one side of the bed.

64. Chess.

65. Staying up all night talking.

66. Having a running partner.

67. Hearing baby laughter that only a Daddy can cause.

68. Sharing a blanket on the couch.

69. Being made hot tea, just cause it's cold out.

70. Catching him watching me.

71. Exploring new places.

72. Pretending to listen about cars.

73. Arguing about driving.

74. The smell of his deodorant.

75. The toilet paper roll being put on backwards.

76. Having a reason to get off the computer at night.

77. Not worrying about running out of cell minutes.

78. Friendly competition.

79. Someone to lean on in church.

80. Foot rubs.

81. Piles of magazines in the bathroom.

82. Dressing up.

83. Inside jokes.

84. Wondering around Lowe's, dreaming of future houses.

85. Telling someone to stop breathing so darn loud.

86. Being tickled.

87. Having the covers thrown off on a cold morning to get me moving.

88. Wet hugs.

89. Dishes in the sink.

90. Seeing who can build a better fire.

91. Swinging in the hammock.

92. The farmer's tan.

93. Being held while I cry.

94. Not making every decision, every day

95. Sharing.

96. Icy hands or toes on a warm body.

97. Long hugs in the kitchen.

98. Day old stubble, scratchy kisses.

99. Sex. Lots of sex. (Really now, did you think I was going to leave this one out?)

100. Him. My husband. My best friend.

More spontaneous combustion

Huge Decision = done

Outcome = Really, Really Happy

And to quote Forrest, "And that's all I'm going to say about that."

For now, at least.

Suspense. It's a wonderful thing.

I think my head may explode

Spontaneous combustion. Without a doubt.

I'm surprising myself at being able to even type.

Just got off the phone with M and I'm beginning to think he may suspect just how few of my marbles I have left. Seriously. It was bad. I found myself stuttering and unable to put together complete sentences, let alone intelligent thoughts.

The little corner of my brain that handles stress is apparently malfunctioning right now.

The Huge Decision that is going to make me either Really Happy or Really Pissed is about to go down. Stay tuned.

The Begining of the End

It's the end of the world as we know it . . . The countdown is on. Too bad we don't actually have a date to count down to. So, we'll count up. The closer to 365 we get, the closer to the end we are.

It's day 3. Whoo-hoo.

R&R was over one day, the next the baby hit one month. It really does seem as if time is flying by. I don't want her to grow up too quick, but the faster time passes, the faster Misha will be home. It's apparently all give and take with this time thing.

Each day the baby teaches me something new. It may be about myself, about her, about bodily functions, anything. She amazes me every minute. Sometimes she even causes me to amaze myself. Today I was discussing the fears I had had before she was born - not loving her, not knowing what to do with her, even not wanting her - and now, I can hardly fathom how I could have felt any of those things. Fears are still there - being a bad mother, not talking to her enough, being boring, not providing enough stimulation for her on my own - but the love I feel for her just grows and grows. It's quite sappy, I know.

Today I learned:
1) If you're patient, she will sleep. And then you can too.

2) Jeans will dry in three minutes with the hairdryer on them, after the 'explosion' has been washed out of them.

3) 8 am is now officially morning. Not 11 or 12. Those days are long gone. (And I think they left with Misha).

4) Glasses or contacts really should be worn when changing a diaper. Just to prevent wondering why one's hand is now all wet.

5)The customer service person at Target will only take as long as possible to do a simple return when the baby is very, very unhappy.

Had it not rained, we woud have gone on a nice walk in the park. But, it rained. So, we hung out at Grandma's (she officially declared herself not Grandma today, but hasn't come up with a better name yet, so Grandma still stands). Yesterday however, I strapped on the Baby Bjorn and we walked up the road to the grocery store (I got some cherries, and they are quite delicious). E was not the happy camper, as I stuck an adorable hat on her head to keep the sun out of her eyes. She's sticking to her guns on the whole hat hating thing. But she was pretty damn cute.

The walk was a wonderful thing, cause by the time we got back, she was passed out. And so I got a nap too. Naps are great.