Tuesday, March 4, 2008

You Know It's Above 40

There's a yearly phenomenon that occurs here in Northern Ohio. It commonly affects high school and college students. Common sense stands no chance. As soon as the temperature hits 40 . . .

They forget to put their pants on.

Yesterday, it hit 56 degrees. Spring! Spring! Spring! Despite the inability to go more than 2 minutes without sniffling and feeling like my head was going to explode, I took the kid out for a walk at the Metroparks. As I strolled along, I was lapped by scantily clad girls sporting fake n' bake legs and asses I would have even been jealous of 10 years ago.

Bitter, party of one, your table is ready.

Is it wrong to hope that those freshman 15 hit hard?

Anyways, I got over myself and came to terms with the perma-jiggle going on with my own rear end. (Not running anymore is killing me. But given the fact that I feel 90, clutching my aching back, it's clear that I haven't healed nearly enough, even after four months.) I huffed and puffed and hauled the stroller up the gigantic hill, stopped to give the kid some freedom and a biscuit, and then headed back to the car. I was almost there, and had put my camera away already. And then. I saw her.

**Accept my sincerest apologies for not have a picture of this chick. But, I was too busy double-taking and scratching my head to dig it out fast enough.**

Bouncy blond ponytail. Orange glow tan. Lime green sports bra. White belly tank. Sparkling clean running shoes. And . . . wait for it . . . men's briefs. That's right. Men's briefs. So skin tight that the front opening was gaping. Thank God she was wearing underwear.

It was just wrong on so many levels.

"Hey! Put your pants back on!"


Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Dude. No. Way.

What are people thinking? Wait, that's right. They're not thinking.

I once worked with a guy who used to live in Alaska. Our Georgia "winters" meant nothing to him. Shorts year round.

apboyles said...

So true, so true. Its like the freedom of being away from home for the first time steals the common sense outta their minds! I am sorry that I didn't get to see the men's briefs. That would have been a definite head scratcher. Along with the ugg boots with sweats, or even jeans for that matter. Its a trend that definitely needs to be on its way OUT!