Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Ain't Gonna Sleep No More

If Baby ain't happy,
Mama ain't happy.

If Mama ain't happy . . .
Baby ain't gonna sleep tonight.

Sure, she looks cute. But really, she's plotting my mental demise.

About five seconds before she woke up for the second time tonight, I was on the phone, telling my husband how I just wanted to kick something. Or punch something. Or possibly hurl things off the balcony.
(not the kid though, please, no one get any panties all wadded)

I have no outlet for anything anymore, and well, it's making me slightly crazy I think. At my job, I used to toss plants and mulch around all day. And after work, I used to go for a long (for me) run. I'd come home and be completely exhausted. And it was good. The good kind of tired.
(and let's not even start on the whole 'outlet' options that are available when the husband is home)

I want to work and be physically challenged, but I don't want to leave E. I want to go run until my lungs are screaming, but not in 20 degree weather. I want to fall into bed at night and feel accomplished in more ways than teaching E to use the potty chair (which she did today, by the way, all grown-up like for her 9 months) and playing peek-a-boo will bring me, but I don't want to miss her learning a single thing.
(and again, we won't even start on what I want to do with the husband)

Most of all I want to pull myself up out of this lonely and dismal place I find myself lately. I know E feeds off of my moods, and me being frustrated and annoyed at life certainly isn't helping her demeanor. I'm getting sucked into a routine of nothing but diaper changes, nap times and the mashed-food menu. I need to find myself a sense of accomplishment for something worthwhile. And I should probably look for a kick-boxing class while I'm at it.

Cause . . .

If Mama is happy,
Baby is happy.

And if Baby is happy,
Mama is gonna sleep tonight.


Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Wow. I could have written this post. Lately, I've been feeling trapped in the whole kid-care cycle with no relief. Maybe a kick boxing class is a good idea. Something to work on that stress and tire you out at the same time!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I still maintain that it's easier to handle when they just never sleep through the night. It's the back and forth that'll kill ya'.

If you lived closer, I'd have to offer up a few things for you to kick. There are some rocks in my yard that need to make their way over the hillside, a wall that needs demolished, and well, there's always a Bulldog in the way.

Just a few more months, chica. You've made it this far, you can make it the rest of the way.

Kristen said...

If you ever need a babysitter during the day, to go take out some frustration, I am available.

Jenn said...

I felt this way when G. was about the same age E is now. I ended up throwing myself into my sewing. Nap times, after he was in bed, whenever. Although it's not physical, it sure gives you a sense of accomplishment at the end of a project.

Or, we have a 400 foot driveway full of snow, and a shovel, if you're really desperate!