Thursday, October 18, 2007

I worked out with Courtney Love today

Running down the path today in Cuyahoga Valley National Park, I saw an odd sight. Pre-kinda-cleaned-up-her-act Courtney Love. Lumpy, stringy and pasty. Shuffling down the path in all her indecent glory. Dirty, chunky blond hair, dingy and see-through wife beater, blood red lipstick, see every cellulite lump tight jeans, and a messy tramp stamp.

Of course, it wasn't really her. But the spectacle left me wondering what exactly this look-a-like was doing there. Exercising? Enjoying nature? Lost?

I encountered her three different times. The first time, I ran by while humming Celebrity Skin and making up a hilarious narrative in my mind (that I do wish I could remember - it really was funny).

The second time almost ended in disaster. I was on my way down the monster hill and deep in concentration. Fresh asphalt, a rainy day and falling leaves does not a safe trail make.

For those unexperienced in the science of asphalt, I'll break it down for ya. This awesome little reaction occurs when blacktop gets wet, and a nasty, slick, oily substance emerges as a film on top. A highly slippery film. Personally, I was schooled on this phenomenon when I was 15 and my boyfriend smashed into the car in front of us on a rainy day. Apparently, he was unaware of the dangers then as well. Now, add some damp leaves into the mix, and you've got a recipe for fun. And running shoes with no traction? Even better. And trying to desperately hang on to 35 pounds of baby and stroller before they go hurtling down the hill, dragging you behind by the safety strap? Absolute excitement. Thrills. Chills. And unstoppable forward motion.

Moving at a barely controlled slide/shuffle, I came careening around a corner and happened upon none other than Impostor Courtney. Smack dab in the middle of the trail, bent over, and tying her shoes. Nothing like a little excitement a la person dodging. After today, I'm convinced strollers need hand brakes. Just like a bike. Oh, how I needed a brake today.

Nonetheless, the dodge was successful, though something explicit may have come out of my mouth. (Shh, no one will ever know. At least, not till my little parrot starts talking ;-) We made it back to the car unscathed. Loaded up and headed out of the parking lot, only to encounter Impostor Courtney yet again. This time, I'm sure she was lost. That's the only conclusion I can come to given the fact that she was standing in the middle of the drive, glazed look, and stared me down as I approached her. Only when my car was within 10 feet of her did she shuffle off into the woods.


1 comment:

Veronica Mitchell said...

She sounds high. I had a smilar experience with a young woman when I was walking on city streets one day, only she was clearly wearing her boyfriend's clothes and had no shoes on.